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-23-
The Marriage Ring
Religion flourishes most among the female part of our species; in our congregations, and in our churches, the greater number is of them. Can we account for this by natural causes? Partly. They are more at home, and, therefore, more within the reach of the means of grace—they are more susceptible—they are less exposed to those temptations that harden the heart through the deceitfulness of sin—they are subject to more affliction, which softens the heart, and prepares it for the seed of the kingdom—but all this is not enough, for without grace all these advantages are unavailing; we must resolve it, therefore, into Divine purpose, Divine interposition, and the arrangements of Divine wisdom.
Female influence in all civilized states is great; and God has generally made much use of this, wherever the Gospel has come, as one of the means for spreading religion. He pours His grace on them, that their influence may be employed with others, especially their husbands and their children. If, then, in any case, a Christian woman be united to an unconverted man, she must cherish and display a deep, and tender, and judicious solicitude for his salvation; and "what knowest thou, o wife, whether thou shalt save thy husband?" I would not encourage unequal marriages; I would not have the single try the doubtful and dangerous experiment of marrying an irreligious man, in the hope of converting him; in such cases, the conversion is often the other way; but where the union is formed, there, I say, nourish the anxiety, and employ every discreet exertion for his eternal welfare.
Many instances have occurred, in which the unbelieving husband has been sanctified by the wife. She has drawn him, with the cords of a tender and judicious love, to a consideration of the subject of personal religion. Think of the value of a soul, and of the ineffable glory of being the instrument of its salvation. But, O, to be the means of saving the soul of a husband! Think how it will strengthen the bond, and sanctify and sweeten it, which unites you on earth and in time; and at the same time add to it a tie, by which you shall "not lose one another in the valley of the shadow of death," but be reunited as kindred spirits, though not as man and wife, in Heaven, and through eternity.
Think, O wife, of the happiness, the honor that awaits you. What is the triumph you have acquired over him by your charms, compared with the victory you will obtain over him by your religion? What pleasure will attend you the remainder of your days! now you are of "one heart and one mind;" now you "take sweet counsel together." The privileged language of prayer now is "OUR Father;" of every motion made to go and seek the Lord of Hosts there is a ready acceptance; "I will go also." And what will be your joy and crown of rejoicing in that day, when, before assembled men and angels, he will say, O blessed be the Providence which attached us in yonder world, and has still more perfectly united us in this! The woman thou gavest to be with me led me not to the tree of knowledge of good and evil, but to the tree of life which is in the midst of the Paradise of God.
But how is this solicitude to be employed? The apostle tells us; "that they may be won by the conversation of their wives, while they behold your chaste conversation, coupled with fear." Your religion must be seen embodied in your whole character and conduct. It must commend itself to their judgment, by what they perceive as sincere. It must be consistent; for a want of uniformity, however earnest it may in many respects and at many times appear, will produce disgust. You must "let your light shine before them, that they seeing your good works, may glorify God." You must ever appear invested with all the beauty of a lovely example, which, silent though you be as it respects your tongue, is living eloquence.
Your religion must diffuse its lustre over your whole character, and impress itself most deeply on your relation as a mother; it must be a new motive to all that respect, and reverence, and devotedness, and meekness, which have been laid before you; and it must lead you to carry every conjugal and maternal virtue to the highest degree of perfection. It must be attended with the most profound humility; or if there be any spiritual pride, any conscious and manifest sense of superiority, anything approaching to the pharisaic temper, which says, "Stand by, I am holier than thou," anything like contempt of your husband, as an unconverted sinner, you will excite an inveterate prejudice, not only against religion, but against yourself; religion will be hated by him for your sake, and you for religion's sake.
When you venture to speak to him on the subject of piety, it should be as remotely as possible from all lecturing, all dictation, all reproach, all conscious superiority; and with all possible tenderness, meekness, humility, and persuasive affection. Never talk to him of his state before others, and never talk at him. Nor is it likely to accomplish the object you have in view, to weary him by continual importunity. Many defeat their own end by an incessant introduction of the subject, and sometimes with an asperity which increases the revulsion, which its own nature is calculated, in such a mind, to produce. An occasional hint, and that of the most tender, respectful, and delicate kind, is all that you should attempt, and then leave your example to speak. Occasionally, you may put an instructive volume in his way, and when opportunity offers, solicit his perusal of it.