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-3-
The
Marriage Ring
Chapter 1
The Formation of the Marriage Union
The importance of this step—ill-formed marriages—be guided by advice—mutual attachment indispensable—beauty—love of the person—mind, manners, countenance and heart—marrying for money—disappointments—prudence in your choice—equality in age, rank and condition—ministers' wives—harmony of religious sentiments—widows and widowers—a second wife—preparation for marriage.
"Happy they! the happiest of their kind!
Whom gentler stars unite; and in one fate
Their hearts, their fortunes, and their being blend."
It must be evident to all that marriage is a step of incalculable importance, and ought never to be taken without the greatest consideration and the utmost caution. If the duties of this state are so numerous and so weighty, and if the right discharge of these obligations, as well as the happiness of our whole life, and even our safety for eternity depend, as they necessarily must do, in no small measure upon the choice we make of a husband or wife, then let reason determine with what deliberation we should advance to such a connection. It is obvious that no decision of our whole earthly existence requires more of the exercise of a calm judgment than this; and yet observation proves how rarely the judgment is allowed to give counsel, and how generally the imagination and the passions settle the business.
A very great portion of the misery and of the crime with which society is depraved and afflicted is the result of ill-formed marriages. To use the beautiful language of another, "those who enter the marriage state cast a die of the greatest contingency, and yet of the greatest interest in the world, next to the last throw for eternity. Life or death, felicity or a lasting sorrow, are in the power of marriage. A woman indeed ventures most, for she hath no sanctuary to retire to from an evil husband; she must dwell upon her sorrow, which her own folly hath produced; and she is more under it, because her tormentor hath warrant of prerogative, and the woman may complain to God, as subjects do of tyrant princes, but otherwise she hath no appeal in the causes of unkindness. And though the man can run from many hours of sadness, yet she must return to it again; and when he sits among his neighbors, he remembers the objection that lies in his bosom, and he sighs deeply."
If, however, it were merely the comfort of the married pair themselves that was concerned, it would be a matter of less consequence, a stake of less value; but the wellbeing of a family, not only for this world, but for the next, and equally so the well-being of their descendants, even to a remote period, depends upon this union. In the ardor of passion, few are disposed to listen to the counsels of prudence; and perhaps there is no advice, generally speaking, more thrown away, than that which is offered on the subject of marriage.
Most persons, especially if they are already attached to a selected object, although they have not committed themselves by a promise or even a declaration, will go on in the pursuit, blinded by love to the indiscretion of their choice; or desperately determined, with the knowledge of that indiscretion, to accomplish, if possible, their purpose. Upon such individuals, reasoning is wasted, and they must be left to gain wisdom in the only way by which some will acquire it—painful experience. To others, who may be yet disengaged, and disposed to hearken to the language of advice, the following remarks are offered. In the affair of marriage, be guided by the advice of parents or guardians. Parents have no right to select for you, nor ought you to select for yourself, without consulting with them. How far they are vested with authority to prohibit you from marrying a person whom they disapprove, is a point of casuistry very difficult to determine.