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-13-
The
Marriage Ring
O woman! thou knowest the hour when the "good man of the house" will return at midday, when the sun is yet bowing down the laborer with the fierceness of his beams, or at evening, when the heat and burden of the day are past: do not let him, at such a time, when he is weary with exertion, and faint with discouragement, find, upon his coming to his habitation, that the foot, which should hasten to meet him, is wandering at a distance; that the soft hand, which should wipe away the sweat from his brow, is knocking at the door of other houses; nor let him find a wilderness, where he should enter a garden; confusion, where he ought to see order; or that which disgusts, where he might hope to behold neatness that delights and attracts, If this be the case, who can wonder, that, in the anguish of disappointment, and in the bitterness of a neglected and heartstricken husband, he turns away from his own door, for that comfort which he wished to enjoy at home, and that society which he hoped to find in his wife, and puts up with the substitutes for both, which he finds in the houses of others?
United to be associates, let man and wife be as much in each other's society as possible. I thank God, I am a stranger to that taste which leads a man to flee from his own comfortable parlor, and the society of his wife, from the instruction and recreation contained in a well-stored library, or from the evening rural walk, when the business of the day is over, to scenes of public amusement for enjoyment. To my judgment, the pleasures of home, and of home society, when they are all they could be desired, are such as never cloy, and need no change, but from one kindred scene to another. I am sighing and longing, perhaps in vain, for a period when society shall be so elevated, and so purified; when the love of knowledge will be so intense, and the habits of life will be so simple; when religion and morality will be so generally diffused, that men's homes will be the seat and circle of their pleasures; then, in the society of an affectionate and intelligent wife, and of well-educated children, each will find his greatest earthly delight; and when it will be felt to be no more necessary to happiness to quit their own fireside for the ballroom, the concert or the theatre, than it is to go from the well-spread table to the public feast, to satisfy the cravings of a healthy appetite. Then will it be no longer imposed upon us to prove that public amusements are improper, for they will be found to be unnecessary.
But the pleasures of home must not be allowed to interfere with the calls and claims of public duty. Wives must not ask, and husbands must not give, that time which is demanded for the cause of God and man. This is an age of active charity, and the great public institutions which are set up cannot be kept in operation without great sacrifices of time and leisure by very many persons. Those who, by their wisdom, talents, rank or property, receive the confidence of the public, must stand prepared to fill up and conduct the executive departments of our societies; nor should they allow the soft allurements of their own houses to draw them away from what is obviously the post of duty.
We have known some who, till they entered into wedded life, were the props and pillars of our institutions, yield so far to the solicitations of their new and dearest earthly friend as to vacate their seat at the board of management forever after. It is, I admit, a costly way of contributing to the cause of religion and humanity, to give those evening hours which could be spent so pleasantly in a country walk or in the joint perusal of some interesting volume; but who can do good, or ought to wish to do it, without sacrifices? I know an eminently holy and useful minister, who told the lady to whom he was about to be united, that one of the conditions of their marriage was that she should never ask him for that time which, on any occasion, he felt it to be his duty to give to God. And surely, any woman might feel herself more blessed in having sometimes to endure the loss of a husband's society, whose presence and talents are coveted by all public institutions, than in being left to the unmolested enjoyment of the company of one whose assistance is coveted by none.
MUTUAL FORBEARANCE is another duty. This we owe to all, not excepting the stranger, or an enemy; and, most certainly it must not be denied to our nearest friend. For the charity that "suffereth long, and is kind; that envieth not; vaunteth not itself; is not puffed up; that doth not behave itself unseemly; seeketh not her own: is not easily provoked; thinketh no evil; rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth; that covereth all things; believeth all things; hopeth all things; endureth all things;" for this charity there is both need and room in every relation of life. Wherever sin or imperfection exists, there is scope for the forbearance of love. There is no perfection upon earth. Lovers, it is true, often fancy they have found it; but the more sober judgment of husbands and wives generally corrects the mistake; and first impressions of this kind usually pass away with first love.
We should all enter the marriage state remembering that we are about to be united to a fallen creature; and as in every case, it is not two angels that have met together, but two sinful children of Adam, from whom must be looked for much weakness and waywardness; we must make up our minds to some imperfection; and remembering that we have no small share of our own that calls for the forbearance of the other party, should exercise the patience that we ask. Where both have infirmities, and they are so constantly together, innumerable occasions will be furnished if we are eager, or even willing, to avail ourselves of the opportunities for those contentions, which, if they do not produce a permanent suppression of love, lead to its temporary interruption. Many things we should connive at; others we should pass by with an unprovoked mind; and, in all things, most carefully avoid even what at first may seem to be an innocent disputation.
Affection does not forbid, but actually demands, that we should mutually point out our faults; but this should be done in all the meekness of wisdom, united with all the tenderness of love, lest we only increase the evil we intend to remove, or substitute a greater one in its place. Justice, as well as wisdom, requires that, in every case, we set the good qualities against the bad ones; and in most cases, we shall find some redeeming excellences, which if they do not reconcile us to the failings we deplore, should at least teach us to bear them with patience; and the more we contemplate these better aspects of the character, the brighter will they appear: for it is an indubitable fact that, while faults diminish, virtues magnify in proportion as they are steadily contemplated. As to bitterness of language and violence of conduct, this is so utterly disgraceful that it scarcely needs be introduced, even by way of cautioning against it. The ancients, we are informed, took the gall from their nuptial sacrifices and cast it behind the altar to intimate the removal of all bitterness from the marriage state.