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-14-
The
Marriage Ring
MUTUAL ASSISTANCE is the duty of husbands and wives. This applies to the cares of life. Women are not usually very conversant with matters or trade, but still, their counsel may be sought in a thousand cases with propriety and advantage. The husband should never undertake anything of importance without communicating the matter to his wife, who, on her part, instead of shrinking from the responsibility of a counsellor, and leaving him to struggle alone with his difficulties and perplexities, should invite him to communicate freely all his anxieties; for, if she cannot counsel, she can comfort; if she cannot relieve his cares, she can help to bear them; if she cannot direct the course of his trade, she may the current of his feelings; if she cannot open any source of earthly wisdom, she can spread the matter before the Father and Fountain of lights. Many men, under the idea of delicacy to their wives, keep all their difficulties to themselves, which only prepares them to feel the stroke the heavier when it does come.
And then, as the wife should be willing to help the husband in matters of business, he should be willing to share with her the burden of domestic anxieties and fatigue. Some go too far and utterly degrade the female head of the family, by treating her as if her honesty or ability could not be trusted in the management of the domestic economy. They keep the money and dole it out as if they were parting with their life's blood, grudging every shilling they dispense, and requiring an account as rigid as they would from a suspected servant; they take charge of everything, give out everything, interfere in everything. This is to despoil a woman of her authority, to thrust her from her proper place, to insult and degrade her before her children and servants.
Some, on the other hand, go to the opposite extreme and take no share in anything. My heart has ached to see the slavery of some devoted, hard-working and ill-used wives; after laboring all day amidst the ceaseless toils of a young and numerous family, they have had to pass the hours of evening in solitude; while the husbands, instead of coming home to cheer them by their society or to relieve them for only half an hour of their fatigue, have been either at a party or a sermon; and then have these hapless women had to wake and watch the live-long night over a sick or restless babe, while the men, whom they accepted as the partners of their sorrows, were sleeping by their side, unwilling to give a single hour of their slumber, though it was to allow a little repose to their toil-worn wives.
Even the irrational creatures shame such men; for it is a well-known fact that the male bird takes his turn upon the nest during the season of incubation to allow the female time to renew her strength by food and rest; and with her, also, goes in diligent quest of food, and feeds the young ones when they cry. No man should think of marrying who does not stand prepared to share, as far as he can do it, with his wife, the burden of domestic cares.
They should be helpful to each other in the concerns of personal religion. This duty is clearly implied in the apostle's language; "For what knowest thou, o wife, whether thou shalt save thy husband? Or, how knowest thou, o man, whether thou shalt save thy wife?" Where only one is yet a partaker of true piety, there should be most anxious, judicious, and affectionate efforts for the other's salvation. And where both parties are real Christians, there should be the exercise of a constant reciprocal solicitude, watchfulness, and care, in reference to their spiritual and eternal welfare.
How blest the sacred tie that binds In union sweet accordant minds! How swift the Heavenly course they run, Whose hearts, whose faith, whose hopes are one!
One of the ends which every believer should propose to himself, on entering the marriage state, is to secure one faithful friend, at least, who will be a helpmate for him in reference to another world, assist him in the great business of his soul's salvation, and that will pray for him and with him; one that will affectionately tell him of his sins and his defects, viewed in the light of a Christian; one that will stimulate and draw him by the power of a holy example, and the sweet force of persuasive words; one that will warn him in temptation, comfort him in dejection, and in every way assist him in his pilgrimage to the skies.
The highest end of the connubial state is lost, if it be not rendered helpful to our piety; and yet this end is too generally neglected, even by professors of religion. Do we converse with each other as we ought on the high themes of redemption by Christ, and eternal salvation? Do we study each other's dispositions, snares, troubles, decays in piety, that we may apply suitable remedies? Do we exhort one another daily, lest we should be hardened through the deceitfulness of sin? Do we practice fidelity without censoriousness, and administer praise without flattery? Do we invite one another to the most quickening and edifying means of grace of a public nature, and recommend the perusal of such instructive and improving books as we have found beneficial to ourselves? Do we mutually lay open the state of our minds on the subject of personal religion, and state our perplexities, our joys, our fears, our sorrows? Alas, alas, who must not blush at their neglects in these particulars? And yet such neglect is as criminal as it is common. Fleeing from the wrath to come, and yet not doing all we can to aid each other's escape! Contending side by side for the crown of glory, honor, immortality, and eternal life, and yet not doing all we can to ensure each other's success! Is this love? Is this the tenderness of connubial affection?