 |
||
|
|
|
|
|
|
||
-19-
The
Marriage Ring
THE WIFE
Oh! blest with temper, whose unclouded ray
Can make tomorrow cheerful as today;
She, who ne'er answers till a husband cools,
Or, if she rules him, never shows she rules;
Charms by accepting, by submitting sways;
Yet has her humor most when she obeys.
The first duty which I would mention is subjection. "Wives submit yourselves unto your husbands as unto the Lord; for the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the Church; and He is the savior of the body. Therefore, as the Church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything." The same is enjoined also in the Epistle to the Colossians. Peter unites with Paul in the same strain. "Ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands." Before I state the kind of subjection here commanded, it is necessary to state the nature of the authority to which it is to be yielded.
It is such an authority as is compatible with religion or the claims of God; for no man has a right to enjoin, and no woman is bound to obey, any command which is in opposition to the letter or spirit of the Bible. It is such an authority as is consonant with sound reason; its injunctions must all be reasonable; for surely it is too much to expect, that a wife is to become the slave of folly, any more than of cruelty. It is an authority that accords with the idea of companionship. It was very beautifully observed by an ancient writer, that when Adam endeavored to shift the blame of his transgression upon his wife, he did not say "the woman Thou gavest to me;" no such thing; she is none of his goods, none of his possessions, not to be reckoned amongst his servants; but he said, "the woman Thou gavest to be with me," that is, to be my partner, the companion of my joys and sorrows. Let conjugal authority be founded upon love, be never exercised in opposition to revelation or reason, and be regulated by the idea of companionship, and then there needs no particular rules for its guidance; for within such limits, it can never degenerate into tyranny; nor can it ever oppress its subjects. To such a power any woman may bow, without degradation, for its yoke is easy and its burden light. In every society, from that which finds its center in the father's chair, to that which in a wider circle rests upon the throne, there must be precedence vested somewhere, and some ultimate authority, some last and highest tribunal established, from the decision of which there lies no appeal.
In the domestic constitution, this superiority vests in the husband; he is the head, the lawgiver, the ruler. In all matters touching the little world in the house, he is to direct, not indeed without taking counsel with his wife, but in all discordancy of view, he, unless he choose to waive his right, is to decide; and to his decision the wife should yield, and yield with grace and cheerfulness. No man ought to resign his authority as head of the family, no woman ought to wish him to do it. He may give up his predilections, and yield to her wishes, but he must not abdicate the throne, nor resign his sceptre. Usurpation is always hateful; and it is one of the most offensive exhibitions of it, where the husband is degraded into a slave of the queen-mother. Such a woman looks contemptible even upon the throne.
I admit it is difficult for a sensible woman to submit to imbecility, but she should have considered this before she united herself to it. Having committed one error, let her not fall into a second, but give the strongest proof of her good sense which circumstances will allow her to offer, by making that concession to superiority of station, which there is no opportunity in her case for her to do to superiority of mind. She may reason, she may persuade, she may solicit, but if ignorance cannot be convinced, nor obstinacy turned, nor kindness conciliated, she has no resource left but to submit; and one of the finest scenes ever to be presented by the domestic economy is that of a sensible woman employing her talents and address, not to subvert, but to support the authority of a weak husband; a woman who prompts, but does not command, who persuades, but does not dictate, who influences, but does not compel, and who, after taking pains to conceal her beneficent interference, submits to the authority which she has both supported and guided.
An opposite line of conduct is most mischievous, for weakness, when placed in perpetual contrast with superior judgment, is rarely blind to its own defects; and as this consciousness of inferiority, when united with office, is always jealous, it is both watchful and resentful of any interference with its prerogative. There must be subjection then; and, where it cannot be yielded to superior talents, because there are none, it must be conceded to superiority of station. But let husbands be cautious not to put the submission of wives to too severe a test. It is hard, very hard, to obey a rash, indiscreet and silly ruler. "If you will be the head, remember the head is not only the seat of government, but of knowledge. If you will have the management of the ship, see that a fool is not placed at the helm. Shall the blind offer themselves as guides?"
The grounds of submission are many and strong. Waiving all motives founded upon the comparative strength of mind with which the two sexes may be gifted, I refer my female friends to less questionable matters. Look at the creation; woman was made after the man, "for Adam was first formed, then Eve." She was made out of man, "for the man is not of the woman, but the woman of the man." She was made for man; "neither was the man created for the woman, but the woman for the man." Look at the fall. Woman occasioned it. "Adam was not deceived, but the woman being deceived was in the transgression." She was thus punished for it: "Thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee." Look at her history. Have not the customs of all nations, ancient and modern, savage and civilized, acknowledged her subordination? Look at the light in which this subject is placed in the New Testament. How strong is the language of the text, "the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything." Let me then, my respected female friends, as you would submit to the authority of Christ, as you would adorn the station that Providence has called you to occupy, as you would promote your own peace, the comfort of your husband, and the welfare of your family, admonish you meekly and gracefully to be subject in all things, not only to the wise and good, but to the foolish and ill-deserving. You may reason, as I have said before, you may expostulate, but you must not rebel or refuse. Let it be your glory to feel how much you can endure, rather than despise the institutions of Heaven, or violate those engagements into which you voluntarily and so solemnly entered. Let your submission be characterized by cheerfulness, and not by reluctant sullenness. Let it not be preceded by a struggle, but yielded at once and forever. Let there be no holding out to the last extremity, and then a mere compulsory capitulation; but a voluntary, cheerful, undisputed, and unrevoked concession.