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-20-
The Marriage Ring
REVERENCE is another duty enjoined upon the wife. "Let the wife see that she reverence her husband." This is nearly allied to the last, but is still somewhat different. By reverence, the apostle means nothing of slavish or obsequious homage, but that respect and deference which are due to one whom we are commanded to obey.
Your reverence will be manifest in your words; for instance, in your manner of speaking to him, you will avoid all that would tend to lessen him in the esteem of others; all exposure of his faults or minor weaknesses; all depreciation of his understanding or domestic rule. Such gossip is detestable and mischievous, for can anything tend more to irritate him, than to find that you have been sinking him in the esteem of the public? Reverence will be displayed in your manner of speaking to him. "Even as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him Lord." All flippant pertness, everything of contemptuous consciousness of superiority, of dictation and command, of unnecessary contradiction, of pertinacious and obtrusive disputation, of scolding accusation, of angry, reproachful complaint, of noisy and obstreperous expostulation, should be avoided.
Almost all domestic quarrels begin in words; and it is usually in a woman's power to prevent them by causing the law of kindness to dwell upon her lips, and calming the gusts of her husband's passion, by those soft answers which turn away wrath. Especially should she be careful how she speaks to him, or even before him, in the company of her family, or of strangers. She must not talk him into silence; nor talk at him; nor say anything that is calculated to wound or degrade him; for a sting inflicted in public is doubly charged with venom; she must not endeavor to eclipse him, to engross the attention of the company to herself, to reduce him to a cipher which is valueless till she stands before him. This is not reverence; on contrary, she should do all in her power to sustain his respectability and dignity in public esteem; and her very mode of addressing him, partaking at once of the kindness of affection, and deference of respect, is eminently calculated to do this.
And should he at any time express himself in the language of reproof, even though that reproof be causeless, or unjustly severe, let her be cautious not to forget her station, so as to be betrayed into a railing recrimination, a contemptuous silence, or a moody sullenness. Difficult, I am aware, it is, to show reverence and respect, where there are no other grounds for it to rest upon than mere dignity, and piety support the claims of relationship. But in proportion to the difficulty of a virtuous action, is its excellence; and hers is indeed superior virtue, who yields to the relationship of her husband that reverence, which he forbids her to pay to him on account of his conduct.
Her reverence will extend itself to her actions, and lead to an incessant desire to please him in all things. It is assumed by the apostle as an indisputable and general fact, "that the married woman careth how she may please her husband." All her conduct should be framed upon this principle, to give him contentment, and to increase his delight in her. Let her appear contented with her lot, and that will do much to render him content with his; while, on the other hand nothing is more likely to generate discontent in his heart, than the appearance of it in her.
Let her, by cheerful good humor, diffuse an air of pleasantness through his dwelling. Let her guard, as much as possible, against a gloomy and moody disposition, which causes her to move about with the silence and cloudiness of a spectre; for who likes to dwell in a haunted house? She should always welcome him across his threshold with a smile, and ever put forth all her ingenuity in studying to please him, by consulting his wishes, by surprising him occasionally with those unlooked for and ingenious devices of affection, which, though small in themselves, are the proofs of a mind intent upon the business of giving pleasure.
The greater acts of reverent and respectful love are often regarded as matters of course, and, as such, produce little impression; but the lesser acts of attention, which come not into the everyday offices which may be calculated upon, with almost as much certainty as the coming of the hour which they are to occupy, these free-will offerings of an inventive and active affective, these extra tokens of respect, and expressions of regard, have a mighty power to attach a husband to his wife; they are the cords of love, the bands of a man. In all her personal and domestic habits, her first care, then, next to that of pleasing God, must be to please him, and thus hold to herself that heart, which cannot wander from her without carrying her happiness with it, and which, when once departed, cannot be restored by any power short of Omnipotence itself.
MEEKNESS is especially mentioned by the apostle Peter, as a disposition which it is the duty of every wife to cultivate. He has distinguished and honored this temper by calling it the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit. If there be some virtues which seem preeminently to suit the female character, meekness bears a high place amongst such. No one stands in greater need of this disposition than the female head of a family; either the petulance and waywardness of children, or the neglects and misconduct of servants, or the sharp words of a husband, are almost sure, if she be easily provoked, to keep her in a state of irritation all the day long. How trying is a peevish woman! how odious a brawling one! "It is better to dwell in the wilderness, than with a contentious and angry woman." The Graces were females, says Mr. Jay; so were the Furies too. It is astonishing the influence which meekness has sometimes had in a family; it has quenched the sparks and even coals of anger and strife, which, but for this, would have set the house on fire; it has mastered the tiger and the lion, and led them captive with the silken thread of love.
The strength of woman lies not in resisting, but in yielding; her power is in her gentleness; there is more of real defence, ay, and more of that aggressive operation, too, which disarms a foe in one mild look, or one soft accent, than in hours of flashing glances and of angry tones. When, amidst domestic strife, she has been enabled to keep her temper, the storm has been often scattered as it rose; or her meekness has served as a conductor to carry off its dreadful flashes, which otherwise would have destroyed the dwelling.