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-5-
The
Marriage Ring
Then there is another error committed by some: having been disappointed in a connection which they hoped to form, they become reckless for the future, and, in a temper of mind bordering upon revenge, accept the first individual who may present himself whether they love him or not. This is the last degree of folly, and is such an act of suicidal violence upon their own peace, as can neither be described nor reprobated in terms sufficiently strong. This is to act like the enraged scorpion, and to turn their sting upon themselves; and in an act of spleen to sacrifice their happiness for folly.
Marriage should ever be contracted with the strictest regard to the rules of prudence. Discretion is a virtue at which none but fools laugh. In reference to no subject is it more frequently set aside and despised than in that which, of all that can be mentioned, most needs its sober counsels. For love to be seen standing at the oracle of wisdom is thought, by some romantic and silly young people, to be a thing altogether out of place. If they only were concerned, they might be left to their folly, to be punished by its fruits; but imprudent marriages, as we have already considered, spread far and wide their bad consequences, and also send these consequences down to posterity.
The understanding is given to us to control the passions and the imagination; and they who, in an affair of such consequence as choosing a companion for life, set aside the testimony of the former, and listen only to the advice of the latter, have, in that instance, at least, forfeited the character of a rational being, and sunk to the level of those creatures who are wholly governed by appetite, unchecked by reason. Prudence would prevent, if it were allowed to guide the conduct of mankind, a very large portion of human misery. In the business before us, it would allow none to marry till they had a prospect of support. It is perfectly obvious to me, that the present generation of young people are not distinguished by a discretion of this kind; they are too much in haste to enter the conjugal state, and place themselves at the heads of families before they have any rational hope of being able to support them. As soon almost as they arrive at the age of manhood, whether they are in business or not, before they have ascertained whether their business will succeed or not, they look around for a wife, and make a hasty, perhaps an injudicious selection. Let young people exercise their reason and their foresight; of, if they will not, but are determined to rush into the expenses of housekeeping before they have opened sources to meet them, let them hear, in spite of the siren song of their imagination, the voice of faithful warning, and prepare to eat the bitter herbs of useless regrets, for many a long and weary year after the nuptial feast has passed away.
Prudence forbids all unequal marriages. There should be an equality as near as may be in age. How unnatural, how odious it is to see a young man fastened to a piece of antiquity, so as to perplex strangers to determine if he is living with a wife or a mother! No one will give the woman in the case, or the man in the other, the credit of marrying for love; and the world will be ill-natured enough, and one can hardly help joining in the censoriousness, to say that such matches are mere pecuniary speculations; for, generally speaking, the old party in the union is a rich one; and as generally they carry a scourge for the other in their purse. A fortune has often thus been a misfortune for both.
Equality of rank is desirable, or as near to it as possible. It is much less perilous for a rich man to descend into the vale of poverty for a wife, than it is for a rich woman to go down for a husband. He can much more easily raise his companion to his own level, than she can. Society will much more readily accommodate themselves to his error than to hers. Much to the happiness of the conjugal state depends upon the relatives of the parties; and if the marriage has offended them, if it has degraded them, how much of bitterness is it in their power to throw into the cup of enjoyment! Many a wife has carried to her grave the sting inflicted upon her peace by the insults of her husband's friends; and in all such cases, he must receive a part of the venom.
To my brethren in the ministry I do recommend, and recommend with an earnestness which I have no language sufficiently emphatic to express, the greatest caution in this most delicate and important affair. In their case, the effects of an imprudent marriage are felt in the church of the living God. If the wives of the deacons are to be "grave, not slanderers, sober, faithful in all things," what less can be required of the wives of the pastors? "A bishop must be blameless, one that ruleth well his own house, having his children in subjection with all gravity. For if a man know not how to rule his own house, how shall he take care of the church of God?" But how can he exhibit in his domestic constitution the beautiful order and harmony which should prevail in every Christian family, and especially in every minister's house, without the intelligent and industrious cooperation of his wife? And how can this be expected of one who has no intelligence or industry? Not only much of the comfort, but of the character of a minister depends upon his wife; and what is of still greater consequence, much of his usefulness.
Marriage should always be formed with a due regard to the dictates of religion. A pious person should not marry anyone who is not also pious. It is not desirable to be united to an individual even of a different denomination, and who, as a point of conscience, attends her own place of worship. It is not pleasant on a Sabbath morning to separate, and go one to one place of worship, and the other to another. The most delightful walk that a holy couple can take, is to the house of God in company, and when, in reference to the high themes of redemption and the invisible realities of eternity, they take sweet counsel together. No one would willingly lose this. But, oh, to walk separately in a still more important and dreadful sense! To part at the point where the two roads to eternity branch off, the one to Heaven, the other to Hell; and for the believer "to travel on to glory, with the awful consciousness that the other party is journeying to perdition!" This is indeed dreadful, and is of itself sufficient to occasion no small diminution of conjugal felicity.