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-6-
The
Marriage Ring
If, however, the comfort of the parties only were concerned, it would be a matter of less consequence; but it is a matter of conscience, and an affair in which we have no option. "She is at liberty to marry whom she will," says the apostle, speaking to the case of the widow, "but only in the Lord." Now, though this was said in reference to a female, all the reasons of the law belong with equal force to the other sex. This appears to me to be not only advice, but law, and is as binding upon the conscience as any other law that we find in the Word of God; and the incidental manner in which this injunction occurs is, as has been very properly remarked, to the intelligent reader of Scripture, the strongest confirmation of the rule in all cases where marriage is in prospect, and where there has been no engagement previous to conversion.
As to the other passage, where the apostle commands us not to be unequally yoked together with unbelievers, it does not apply to marriage, except by inference, but to church fellowship, or rather to association and conduct in general, in reference to which professing Christians are not to symbolize with unbelievers. But if this be improper in regard to other matters, how much more so in that connection which has so powerful an influence over our character, as well as our happiness! For a Christian, then, to marry an individual who is not decidedly and evidently a pious person, is a direct opposition to the Word of God.
And as Scripture is against it, so also is reason; for "how can two walk together, except they be agreed?" A difference of taste in minor matters is an impediment in the way of domestic comfort; but to be op-posed to each other on the all-important subject of religion, is a risk, even as it respects our comfort, which no considerate person should be induced, on any considerations, to incur. How can the higher ends of the domestic constitution be answered, where one of the parents has not the spiritual qualifications necessary for accomplishing them? How can the work of religious education be conducted, and the children be trained in the nurture and admonition of the Lord?
And as it respects individual and personal assistance in religious matters, do we not all want helps instead of hindrances? A Christian should make everything bend to religion, but allow religion to bend to nothing. This is the one thing needful, to which everything should be subordinate; and, surely, to place out of consideration the affairs of his eternal salvation, in so important an affair as marriage, shows either that the religion of a person who acts thus is but profession, or likely soon to become so. No one should contemplate the prospect of such a connection as marriage without the greatest and most serious deliberation, nor without the most earnest prayer to God for direction. Prayer, however, to be acceptable to the Almighty, should be sincere; and should be presented with a real desire to know and do His will. Many, I believe, act towards the Deity as they do towards their friends: they make up their minds, and then ask to be directed. They have some doubts, and very often strong ones, of the propriety of the step they are about to take, which are gradually dissipated by their supplications, till they have prayed them-selves into a conviction that they are quite right in the decision, which they have, in fact, already made.
To pray for direction in an affair which we know to be in opposition to God's Word, and on which we have already resolved to act, is adding hypocrisy to rebellion. If there be reason to believe that the individual, who solicits a Christian to unite herself with him in marriage, is not truly pious, what need has she of praying to be directed? This seems like asking the Almighty to be permitted to do that which He has forbidden to be done.
In the case of widows and widowers, especially where there is a family, peculiar prudence is necessary. I have known instances in which such persons have sacrificed all their own tastes and predilections, and have made their selection with exclusive reference to their children. Such a sacrifice is indeed generous; but it may become a question whether it is discreet. It is placing their own comfort, and even character, in some degree of peril, neither of which can be lost, without most serious mischief to those very children, whose interests they have so heroically consulted. This, however, is an error much more rare and venial, than that of the opposite extreme. How unseemly and inconsiderate is it for a sexagenarian to bring home a young wife and place her over daughters older than herself, and introduce into the family circle aunts and uncles younger than some of the nephews and nieces! Rare is the case, in which such inexpedient connections are formed, without the authors of them losing much of their own reputation, and destroying much of the comfort of their families. Let not such men wonder, if their daughters by the first marriage are driven from their home by the consequences of the second, and are led to form imprudent matches, to which they were led by the force of parental example, and urged by the consequences of parental folly.
In the selection of a second companion for life, where the first had been eminent for talents or virtues, much care should be taken that there be no great and striking inferiority; for in such a case,
Busy, meddling Memory,
In barbarous succession, musters up
The past endearments of their softer hours;
which form a contrast ever present and ever painful. The man that never knew by experience the joy of a happy marriage, can never know the ill of an imprudent one, as aggravated by the power of comparison. Let him that has thus known them beware how he expose himself to such helpless, hopeless misery.